It's Pride Month in America, and while same-sex marriages are legally performed and recognized across the 50 states it can fairly be said this nation was the most divisive coming to Marriage Equality.

Beginning in the State of Hawaii in 1992, and Massachusetts in 2003, state supreme courts were determining one by one that it was “unconstitutional to abridge marriage on the basis of sex.” California’s supreme court followed suit in 2008 followed by a ballot initiative called Proposition 8. It read in part:

Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

The vote upended same-sex marriage in the Golden State for a time until the United States Supreme Court declared marriage equality the law of the land in 2015. Nearly 10 years have passed since the landmark decision only to find the nation on the whole shifting, yet again.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2.3 million couples were married in the United States in 2023, enjoining 133 million married adults around the nation. Though a scant 1.3% of those were same-sex couples, a trend is emerging for both.

Over 20+ million people from a broad swath of social and demographic groups are opting out of traditional marriages to cohabitate. According to the U.S. Census Bureau’s Cohabitation Over the Last 20 Years Report, cohabiting partners are on average higher earners, more racially diverse and have higher educations.

What precipitates social change? In 2008, a mere 32% of Americans approved of same-sex marriage. By 2015, over 60% of the nation accepted the supreme court's landmark decision called Marriage Equality. Today, its a clear majority of 71% percent of Americans who support marriage equality across the 50 states, according to Gallup's annual Values and Beliefs poll.

Some 10 years ago, I was a married, catholic mother-of-three young children when asked to write about Marriage Equality. The landmark decision, as then, was slowly becoming mainstream whilst coinciding with my own divorce. Signing the last documents to dissolve my marriage my heart was heavy. We’d followed the traditional path.

We’d met and courted in college 30 years ago; attended Pre-Cana consultation to prepare for married life in the Catholic Church; sought and followed advice from financial planners; attended mass; and enrolled our children in Catholic schools. Yet our personal relationship felt constrained by the leading cause for divorce: a lack of simpatico. Nearly 63% of married couples report that a better understanding of the terrain and expectations of married life could and would have helped divert their divorce, according to Forbes Advisor.

I often cried when packing up my personal belongings into a box marked ‘memories’ in those years, and would be remiss not to mention that I’d noticed same-sex and unmarried couples moving into our neighborhood. Traditional gender roles were evolving in the 21st century, along with a curiosity and challenge to examine their more egalitarian relationships.

Well over half a million divorces occurred in the United States in 2023, most chose no fault and cited “irreconcilable differences.” Cast, unawares, into characterizations of husband and wife we’d played our parts; seldom if ever deviating from script; or chapter and verse written for men and women everywhere by church and state. Stepping away from the marriage presented an opportunity for renewal.

Becoming a single parent; entering the workforce; and earning a masters degree in Organizational Development all led to a rather simple realization. While lack of family support; lack of intimacy; too much conflict and financial stress are the leading causes of marital strife each and all shared a dotted line to gender roles.

With a persistent gender pay gap resulting in women being paid 22.2% less than men on average in 2023, 42% of women said that finances were among their considerations for marriage; 39% report they were looking for companionship; and in a distant third place were those looking for love at 36%, according to Forbes Advisor.

As a divorced couple, our shared commitment to our children was reset by financially equal though separate responsibility; opposing philosophies were now up for debate; discussion about their care and trajectories ensued; compromise emerged. Nearly 30 years have passed since our wedding day and somewhere along the line I found a friend.

By age 30, three-quarters of women in the U.S. will marry, and about half will have cohabited outside of marriage, according to a comprehensive new report on cohabitation, marriage, divorce, and remarriage released by the CDC. After 10 years, the probability of a first marriage ending is 33 percent, compared with 62 percent for cohabitations. Coming to terms with the terrain, expectations and reality of coupling was key to staying the course.

Civil Rights, Women’s Rights, and Gay Rights align with democratic principles, and consensus growing stronger across the globe called Social Equality: a state in which all individuals within each and every society has equal rights, liberties, and status.

Henri Bergson observed, “To exist is to change. To change is to mature. To mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly." People adapt, inviolably, to those things they actively choose and create. As we reimagine the new democratic family, the band of equality plays on.